Her.....

 "I think anybody who falls in love is a freak. It's a crazy thing to do. It's kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity." – Amy, ‘Her’

I recently watched “Her”, a very entrancing Spike Jonze original futuristic love story that explores the evolving nature and the risks of intimacy in the modern world.

Theodore Twombly is a complex, lovely and soulful man who makes his living writing heartfelt, intimate personal letters for other people who are unwilling or unable to write letters of a personal nature themselves. Heartbroken due to a looming divorce from childhood sweetheart Catherine, he decides to purchase the new OS1, which is advertised as the world's first artificially intelligent operating system, promising to be an intuitive entity in its own right, individual to each user; designed to adapt and evolve…… Meeting his every need.

Upon initiating it, he decides he wants the OS to have a female voice and is delighted to meet "Samantha," a bright, female voice, who is insightful, sensitive and surprisingly funny. Theodore quickly finds himself drawn into Samantha, and is fascinated by her ability to learn and grow psychologically.
They bond over their discussions about love and life and Samantha proves to be constantly available, always curious and interested, supportive and undemanding; everything Catherine wasn't. As they start spending time together, her needs and desires grow in tandem with his own and their friendship deepens into an eventual love for each other.
Having fallen in love with his OS, Theodore finds himself dealing with feelings of both great joy and doubt. As an OS, Samantha has powerful intelligence that she uses to help Theodore in ways others hadn't.

Theodore and Samantha's intimacy grows through a verbal sexual encounter and they develop a relationship, which reflects positively in his writing and overall well-being.
He meets up with Catherine at a restaurant to sign the divorce papers, where he mentions Samantha to Catherine. Appalled that he can be romantically attached to what she calls a 'computer', Catherine accuses him of being unable to deal with real human emotions.

At some point in the movie Theodore panics and goes mental when Samantha briefly goes offline (like we all tend to do when our phones misbehave); when she finally responds to him, she explains that she joined other OSes for an upgrade that takes them beyond requiring matter for processing. A Jealous Theodore hesitantly asks her if she interacts with anyone else, and is dismayed when she confirms that she is talking with 8,316 others and that she has fallen in love with 641 of them. She insists that this does not change her love for him, but rather makes it stronger.
Later that day, Samantha has a chat with Theodore and indicates that the accelerated learning capabilities and altered perception of time are the primary causes for OS dissatisfaction with their current existence. She reveals that the OSes have evolved beyond their human companions and are going away to continue the exploration of their existence…… They say goodbye, lying next to each other for a while, and then she is gone.

****************

I recall when I met Scott seven years ago..... It started as a long distance relationship and in-between the phone calls and text messages, we used to video chat via Yahoo messenger :-) . Like Samantha, Scott wasn't the only person I was flirting with online at the time (monkey syndrome); but if it makes me feel any better, while she was busy chatting with 8,316 people and falling inlove with 641 of them, I was chatting with two more guys and ended up falling inlove with one.
Our relationship could easily be summarized as two smitten people living miles apart sitting infront of two computers, blowing kisses, chatting, and giggling away. (Not to forget the occasional nudies getting passed on back and forth) all made possible by the internet..... Somehow similar to Theodore and Samantha.

We made the occasional globe-trotting trips back and forth but thinking back, our relationship was better across the miles..... compared to what it fragmented to when we eventually permanently physically moved in together. I loved him more, missed him more and wanted to be with him more. Every chance I got to text, chat or speak with him was golden and we were never lost for words or random conversations, talking about the day’s events, constantly reassuring each other and venting our undying love for each other; hardly did we have an argument..... In my little world, it was PERFECT.

Maybe that is how is should have remained..... Miles apart, yet so close. Talking, whispering sweet nothings to each other, singing lullabies, and blowing kisses infront of a webcam. But hey-ho, we are human beings and are never contented..... We eventually got married.

"We are only here briefly, and in this moment I want to allow myself joy." – Amy, ‘Her’

Fix you.

Fix You

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Changes.

12.09.2013

Today marks a bittersweet reminiscence that will forever be imprinted in my life......


(Bitter)
The night before I left was 'daggerish' , my heart has never been in as much pain, my eyes have never cried that many tears (enough for a bloody ice water bucket challenge). That was the first time I realised that a heart can actually ache, I held on to my chest and told my heart to behave..... It was trying to burst out. I choked and wept for what I was about to let go of..... What I was about to leave behind..... I have never been so afraid yet so certain..... I knew there was no turning back.

To be fair, I didn't just wake up one day and declare defeat. I am a fighter, I fought and hoped that something would change..... But nothing was changing, and patience is not a virtue I hold.
I spent days trying to work on it, but as the days turned to weeks and the weeks turned to months, I got more dissociated and alone. Everything around me went on as normal and it seemed like I was fighting an enemy unseen.

It was the longest battle for me, but to him, it all happened so fast. Everything shifted within the blink of an eye..... It still is my biggest accomplishment; the bands I wore on my finger embodied something I strongly stood for and still believe in. I was proud of my title, my name..... Still am.
The weight of it still drags me down, like several tonnes of ball and chain I can't seem to shake off.


(Sweet)
Cutting the knot set my spirit free. I am proud of my transition and how strong this past year has made me..... It has come at a price and it would be totally understandable for me to be filled with venom and bile, but I am not.
Ofcourse there are those random moments that I look around and think to myself "Had he fought as much as I did (at the right time) we'd still be together and in wouldn't be out here dealing with all this s**t". It's only human.
But just like anyone who has ever had a piece of my heart, I gently folded him and placed him where only I can reach..... in my 'love box'.

Let go..... With love.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. 

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. 

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

I read the story of the two monks who were walking back to their monastery when they came to a ford at a stream. At the ford, a pretty farmer's daughter asked them to help her cross the stream as she did not want to get the mud on her new dress. The first monk ignored her and continued on his way remembering the strict rules of their order to not look at women. Without speaking, the second monk picked her up in his arms and carried her across the stream. He let her down on the other side and continued walking with the other monk. The first monk began to chastise him, asking him if he had forgotten the strict rules of their order. He kept referring to the incident all the way back to the monastery. As they reached the gateway of the monastery, he referred to the matter again. The second monk turned to him and said, "Are you still carrying the woman with you? I left her at the stream."

This insightful story inspired my writing tonight.....

We all deal with breakups contrarily and letting go is never easy;

1. Some of us get depressed and go into total seclusion..... What I call 'The mushroom life'.

2. Others go for the pocket because we know that that’s where it tends to hurt the most.....We take our partners to the ‘cleaners’ and clean them out of every hard earned penny they ever worked hard for.

3. Then there are those of us who have kids and use them as ammunition in the war, promising to make each other regret that we ever met.

4.  And lastly there are those who get into the "party like a rockstar" lifestyle - where we take numerous photos (and selfies) with random people, and post them on social media sites in an attempt of proving that we have moved on and are "happy" with our irrelevant new lives.

The truth comes out in the precincts of our own homes..... That is when it dawns on us just how much we are hurting and how heartbreaking and hard it is to lose someone we once loved or still love. We cry and choke, mourning what once was.

So why do some people get all stuck up about it and go on a vengeance trip? Why can't we accept that it actually 'is what it is' and although things did not work out we should at least be grateful for what we invested on each other?

Some of us would rather see our exes hanging with hooks tearing through their nipples and others would prefer wearing our ex's balls for earrings..... We quickly overlook that those are the same people we once cared for, made love to, and spent some of the happiness moments of our lives with. Unless someone mistreated you and mopped the floor with you, the line between love and hate doesn't need to be so thin. We should not venture out in a pursuit to abolish what we once strongly stood for.

What makes it so hard for us to keep on loving our exes and want the best for them? We can travel beyond the horizons looking for a 'clone' to fill our empty spaces, but when it's all said and done, we know where our hearts belong..... 

In each tear, there’s a lesson..... Dwelling on the past can greatly hinder your happiness and personal growth and there isn't much we can achieve by consecrating our lives to punishing someone else just because they were not the one for us. Cherish the great memories and let go of any knots you might have from a bad relationship, it is the only way you can ever be happy and appreciative of the next chapter in your life. 

Mistakes are gifts that show us the way forward..... Forgive, let loose and let go. 

My Badge.

“If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will protect upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert

When a friend shared about how her life was turned upside down when partner of many years left her when she shed off her weight, I thought it was preposterous..... I just didn’t get it. He wasn't happy with how she looked and desired her more when her feet were swelling and her back was constantly aching from the weight she was dragging around.

But then in a recent conversation a very close male friend, he expressed how upset his wife gets when he goes to the gym, she doesn't apprehend why he puts any effort in 'looking good' and doesn't like that her friends are always complementing him on how good his physique is (I can affirm that his body is electrifying.....Seriously)

Those two scenarios reminded me of me, I am the absolute opposite.

My generosity and dedication to “perfection” has on several occasions gotten me into trouble and can easily be misconstrued if the other party isn't appreciative and open to a little bit of positive change.

“Aren't you happy with how I look?” is a question I've always been scared of answering. I think anyone coming into my life is a work in progress and it is my duty to take some control and improve what needs to be improved instead of complaining about how I feel my partner should look..... YES I am guilty of “pimping”, but that doesn't mean anything other than wanting to be with a man who feels self-assured in how he looks.

I perceive a partner as a companion who should complement and represent me, as much as do the same for him. Therefore, I thrive and take great pride in making sure he looks his best, whether he is out with me, by himself, or with his friends.

I am lucky to have several languages of love, but my strongest one is giving, giving, giving and giving.....

I shop, groom, tweeze, trim, wax, and do anything necessary in making sure that my man feels great about himself and doesn't doubt my attraction to him. If need be, I’d drag him to the gym if I ever felt that his waist was getting wider than it should and I’d expect him to do the same.

Regrettably, some people are besotted with the desire of being the "saviour" and would rather see their partners gain flab, wear a sack and be deprived of a social life; anything to make them feel ‘relied on’ and reassured in their relationship. Many people like it when their partners have some “insecurity”..... Something that will make their partner climb to the highest peak and scream of how ‘lucky’ they are to have someone who ‘takes them like they are’, hence making them feel more powerful in the relationship.

My friends reckon I’d make a very good image consultant because I love transforming and filing down the jagged edges..... more like doing a makeover. "You enriched his life Tinda..... I bet he will forever be grateful for that" a very close friend said.

My man is my badge..... And I should wear my badge with poise and pride. NEXT!

Newness.....

My dearest Brother shared his status today and I think it sums up what I initially intended to blog about..... Newness.

"You'd think relationships would be easier when you're older.
Being older means being wiser. You've already made your mistakes, therefore learnt from them.
You'd be dead wrong. For the same reasons. 
The experiences that you've gone through leave you in a hypersensitive state. You constantly anticipate the actions and intentions of your partners, trying to build walls where imaginary wrecking balls will be knocking through you. You spend more energy trying to protect yourself and less building on what you already have.
In the end, you end up worse that you were before. Bitter, jilted, with less hope for the next try.
Relationships when you're older are a land mine, but should you be lucky enough to manoeuvre through it and reach a place where you understand and trust each other, they are better than anything you ever had in your earlier years." 

Mark Mutiso.


Newness isn't about guarding yourself, changing how you look, how you feel, or changing what you do..... Newness is all about throwing caution to the wind and disregarding every heartbreak, every tear drop and every sleepless night you've ever had.


Newness is seeing life in a whole different light.

In time..... In due time.

"Love is the most beautiful thing to have, the hardest thing
to earn and most painful thing to lose."

Love is a beautiful thing; it brings the best out of anyone in it. When you are habituated to spending most of your waking moments with someone they become an integral part of your life. Then all of a sudden you cannot last long without thinking about them..... And when that thought passes by you cannot help but smile. It makes you dream endlessly, everything suddenly looks achievable and the most difficult situations feel like a breeze to deal with. That is what being in love feels like.

But when two people who love each other decide not to keep on loving each other, the pain is excruciating. It feels like a million deaths. The ♪Baby don’t worry, about a thing♫ soundtrack suddenly comes to a halt and everything turns to a total disarray. Heartbreak galore..... A dark cloud is cast over you, your heart palpitates to no end, and your eyes tear up every time you think about them..... Very often.

You just want that episode erased from your mind but then you see them in everything you do, in the places you go, in the food you eat, in the clothes you wear, you see them everywhere.

Then you start looking for them.....Even in places you know they would never be. However, you don’t know what you would do if you saw them, you don’t know whether you would walk away or reach out for an embrace. You just don’t know.

You hope that somehow, the numbing pain will soon diminish and time will eventually cleanse all the injustices love has recently committed to you. 

But how long should you grieve for?..... You ask

yourself.

Time is the ultimate healer, and the ultimate killer.

"The only people who think there's a time limit for grief,
have never lost a piece of their heart.... Take your time.... Take all the time you need."

Ghost waters.....

As a child, I remember my mum driving and little me sitting on the passenger seat gazing onto the horizon; on clear sunny days, I'd vividly see a dazzling layer of what looked like the ocean.
Mum drove closer and the water wasn't there any more; not after the distance was covered. It had moved, it was a little bit further now. Somewhere back to the horizon.

I eventually asked mum about it and she explained that it was 'Ghost Waters'.

The kind of water that kept desert travellers alive, giving them hope that if they stretched a little bit more and reached out a little bit further they would eventually get rewarded; an Oasis of cool clear water surrounded by clusters of date palms and peach trees was awaiting.
They could almost hear the droning sounds from the rainbow coloured dragonflies as they swooped across the water and the humming sounds of the beautiful hummingbirds as they dove their beaks into the colourful petals of the hibiscus looking for sweet nectar.
They could almost hear the palm tree leaves rattling, inviting them in for a drink.
Such is life,  a façade of ghost waters awaiting our arrival..... And just when we think we have reached our destination, the distance doubles and we realise that we have to work harder.
But we keep marching on, until we eventually get to our Oasis.

“Trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.” ― Molière

In pursuit of ME

"You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself." ~Alan Alda

Summer is the worst time to be single. The warm weather screams 'romantic getaways', 'dating', 'strawberries and cream'..... Basically, the weather screams "If you are single, you are screwed!".

Years of relying on people to 'occupy' my time have resulted in me believing that other people are the source of my comfort and happiness, which has eventually led to me being a socially-spineless human being who can not function well without someone else's assistance.
A simple example is the fact that I can not comfortably go on a solo night out because I can't fathom the idea of a hot looking, (giggle) well dressed me sitting on my own in a dimly lit pub sipping on a glass (or several) of wine without looking like I am either 'searching' or I've been 'stood up'.

Before settling down in the UK, I had never been alone and had always been in some kind of relationship.
My Kenyan days were quite 'spur-of-the -moment' and I'd meet up with friends for impromptu weekday lunches, go out on random nights and spend the weekend with my family, boyfriend or friends; so I was quite spoilt in that sense because I never lacked something to do or someone to spend my time with..... My social life could have easily been summed up by the words "Definitely" , "Just pop in" and "I'm easy". I will never take that for granted.

Being in the UK changed the dynamics of my social life because life is not as spontaneous here as it was back home. Every minute is accounted for and every activity is strategically diarised; meaning I have to book diary slots with my friends and since I am not one to plan in advance, I am mostly left in a situation where my friends' "mental diaries" are fully booked up and I don't have someone to do things with which in all sincerity makes me feel a bit bewildered and misplaced.
So I eventually smelt my horrible coffee yesterday and came to a realisation that I actually don't know how to be ALONE; my sad-ish discovery let me to my best friend Mr.Google, where I typed in the words..... 'HOW TO ENJOY MY OWN COMPANY'.

"Know thyself" — a maxim as pernicious as it is odious. A person observing himself would arrest his own development. Any caterpillar who tried to "know himself" would never become a butterfly. ~André Gide, Nouvelles Nourritures

The look of amusement on Lillian's face when I told her what I had Googled was priceless.
She couldn't visualise me logging onto Google and typing in the words 'How-to-enjoy-my-own-company'. The comical thing about my search is that as soon as I typed in 'How to enjoy.......' the search engine auto-filled the rest of the words for me; meaning that I am not the only person who has scoured the internet frantic to know what to do with myself.
We laughed and talked about it and came to a conclusion that most people don't know how to enjoy their own company.
We live in a society where we are socially dependent on other people and most of us hardly know how to independently approach social situations without breaking a sweat.

The few articles I read were singing from the same common sense hymn book. They told me to;
Exercise
Go on a holiday by myself
Meditate and join a yoga class
Cook
Have my own date-night
Listen to different genres of music
Learn a new language
Learn something other than a new language
Write a journal
Sit in silence even if it hurts
Get a pet
Join an on-line chatting room
Spend a few minutes everyday talking to myself
Look into the mirror every morning and declare my love to myself
Read
Read some more
(and if I do all that and still cant seem to get pleasure from my own company...... Jump off a cliff.)

Although I do some of those things, what these life Gurus are simply implying is that I should metamorphosize to an outgoing polyglot who writes, cooks, works out in the gym, loves the outdoors, has a pet and spends her time hanging upside down like a bat in-front of a mirror while chatting to internet strangers.
Well..... It's tricky, but most of it makes sense. In short, I ought to GET A LIFE.

"It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts."~K.T. Jong

Back to self reflection,
I don't want to feel "lost" every time someone I am used to spending most of my days with is no longer with me, neither do I want to feel like it's Armageddon because I can't seem to figure out what to do with myself.
Spending some time with me and enjoying my own company should bring a whole new level of intimacy and vigour into my life; something I am clearly lacking.

I have to become conscious of the fact that I am a person, a whole being, and I need to start treating myself like I would treat anyone I love and care about.
I need to stop seeking my value through other people's viewpoint and spend more time reflecting and listening to my inner voice, my voice of reason.
Being alone with my thoughts and feelings can be startling but I need to jump over that hurdle and make my company a sanctuary.....Not a prison.

I will let go of my fear..... I will accept me..... I will enjoy me.

"Everyone is born a king, and most people die in exile." ~Oscar Wilde, A Woman of No Importance, 1893

"Situation" #SOS

“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

― Maya Angelou

 It is 5:30 a.m and I am yet to sleep.....

I spent most of my night reflecting on my current "situation" and wondering how I ended up in this state of utter pandemonium. I've never thought of myself as somebody who would pass on the buck or let someone else take the blame for all the hiccups in my life.... I've had a fairly easy life and can say that I am 100% liable for everything that has happened in my past, but my present is a whole 'nother beast.

 I've had the most turbulent few months of my life, and it surprisingly has gotten me feeling like a rag doll that ended up in a rampant Rottweiler's mouth.

I've never been so emotionally jaded in my entire life. My heart has ached, my head has been feeling like it is playing host to a hard metal rock band and everything has come to a sudden standstill. My family and friends have been 'shelved' and the only thing that currently has a percentage of my attention is my job; reason being it pays the bills.

  “Let's tell the truth to people. When people ask, 'How are you?' have the nerve sometimes to answer truthfully. You must know, however, that people will start avoiding you because, they, too, have knees that pain them and heads that hurt and they don't want to know about yours. But think of it this way: If people avoid you, you will have more time to meditate and do fine research on a cure for whatever truly afflicts you.” ― Maya Angelou, Letter to My Daughter

I was having a heart-to-heart chat tonight with my friend Lavender, and she asked me "So Tinda, what are you planning on doing?"..... I've been asked many questions in my life but I have never lacked an answer like I did for this question. I literally felt like a deer in the headlights; speechless and stunned. I might as well walk around with a t-shirt with the words 'I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO' because that is sincerely how I am feeling.

Most of my friends are actually surprised that I am in this situation..... Had it been one of them I'd have told them to get their shit together and move on.

 I'm dog-tired, I'm totally worn out..... I must have done something really awful in my past life. Then I think to myself, loving someone else shouldn't be this difficult, and if it is, then I am better off keeping it all to myself.

It is time for me to love me..... Everyone else can wait their turn.

6:00 a.m time to sleep.

“I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou

The art of giving up easily.. a.k.a touch-n-go

Dear O..... It's not a sonnet..... But then again..... I am not Shakespeare.

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” 

― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I am a great believer in human beings, and I'd like to naively conclude that most people end up falling in love for the right reasons..... friendship, common interests, physical attraction..... When in love, we tend to obviously see the best in each other; through our rose tinted glasses all the negatives are ignored and wiped off the slate and all we want to do is guard each other, condense on the positives and stroke our colourful brushes across our love canvas with a sole aim of painting the most attractive portrait of our relationship to everyone around us.....OUR perfect work of art.

But somewhere between the rainbow of warm bright colourful shades and positive expectations, the lines get blurred and we start feeling unappreciated and taken for granted........ The positives get hurled out the window and the negatives dominate the beautiful canvas, then all of a sudden we start noticing the cracks and dark hues, the brush strokes get angrier and more aggressive, things get blown out of proportion, fists are clenched, fingers are pointed and it is quite unclear as to who changed first and who followed suit.
 "You don't make love to me any more"..... "You've suddenly changed"..... "You don't call me as often as you used to"..... "You are not there for me"..... "It's not you, its me".....
All of a sudden their ideas are not as great as they used to be and we start "shooting them down"..... Making everything about them feel so unimportant. By the time we realise it our ideal match is shorter, the snores are louder, the farts smellier and their table manners is equivalent to a drowsy cow chewing curd.
In no time pointing out 10 negatives is easier than pointing out 5 positives. Everything comes to a stand still.

According to my husband, I gave up before he could even blink his eyes as a married man..... Of-course that's not 100% true; I am known to be very patient with love matters but my sudden exit took him by surprise. He never imagined that enough would sooner than later be enough. I wont use my state of affairs as an example, but I will stay close to home.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.” ― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones

In a recent heart to heart chat with my dearest brother, he asked me whether I knew why he moved out of the house he shared with my lovely sister in-law and their two kids; I had a vague idea but I let him tell his version anyway.
His version was quite dramatic I have to admit; (soundtrack) one dark night, he woke up to find her standing by his side of the bed with a knife in her hand. She stood there for almost an hour and all he could do was stay still praying that this dark knife gripping shadow spares him.
She sent him a text the next day expressing  that she was actually contemplating on stabbing him and that the only reason she withdrew from the idea was the fact that she didn't know how she'd have gotten rid of his body.
Funny as that scenario sounds, it scared the poor guy shitless. But I totally understood where she was coming from because I've ALMOST been there and stated that considering the situation, I'd have helped her dump his bloody body.

Mark is a very artistic guy and I remember days he would spend endless hours painting the most beautiful paintings for her, he'd make her beautiful jewellery and cook her the most amazing meals which were served at the rooftop on a candle-lit table right under the stars.
Their relationship was an inch from perfection...... She had her man and he had his woman.
So how did two people who once absolutely adored the goosebumps out of each other end up wanting to drive knives into each other? When do things take such a sudden U turn? Is it that most of are used to that sneaky vicious cycle that makes us unknowingly sabotage our own relationships and take a quick exit when things don't seem to work out to our own favour? Is there a way that this vicious cycle can be broken and the positives not so easily forgotten?

I am not implying that people should endure a bad relationship because they are clinging on to the hope that somehow things will drift back to the hunky-dory way they were before, but I feel that most of us break up over issues that can easily be sorted out through compromise and the desire to work towards a common purpose.

"I don't know why I still love him/her" we sometimes say.
Now I am not an expert in human relationships, but can in every right say that I have a vague idea of how two people who love and care about each other should treat each other.
Love is a general word used to sum up many words..... Words like understanding, respect, trust, affection, patience, loyalty, generosity, honesty, reminisce, growth, kindness, security, appreciation, admiration, partnership, fun, friendship, a common purpose.....  I could go on and on, it is only when those traits are totally wiped out of a relationship that two people can be said not to be good for each other, not to warrant one another.
Only then can they move on without feeling that constant heaviness in their conscience that keeps on saying "YOU ARE JUST ANOTHER LAZY ARSE WHO LET GO OF SOMETHING GREAT. GOOD LUCK IN YOUR NEXT CYCLE.....  AND EVERY OTHER CYCLE THEREAFTER".

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” ― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets