Something's got to give.

“I'm Dylan. I'm so cool. I want to date myself, but I don't know how! You want to date me instead? You're so lucky!” ― Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero

I live in Edinburgh (pronounced Ed-n-bra); a village-ish* city recently voted the most beautiful in the UK and 4th most beautiful in the world (Waheeeeeey!)

It boasts of two extinct volcanoes (one housing the ever bold Edinburgh Castle), stunning scenery, striking architecture, fine food and host to the world's largest arts festival etcetera.

Stunning as it is, there is medium-sized dark cloud that has been soaring above this place and I can’t seem to shake off the constant nagging feeling of wanting to move to a bigger city. The dark cloud rains gloom and doom for young singletons who are considering diving into the dating scene because in a place where everyone seems to know everyone, chances are you might end up dating your ex’s ex’s ex if not their immediate relative.

Dating in a small city like Edinburgh an intimidating ‘task’ because there isn't a ‘wide range’ of options in the singles arena and considering that I am strongly against “double-dipping” between acquaintances, friends and relatives, I tend to find myself carrying a ‘mental list’ of the people close to me which I take time to tick off whenever I meet a ‘potential suitor’. Most have not made it past the first date because they have simply dated someone I know. Lol.

I have been separated from my dearest Bwana for a while now; and loneliness (and reality) dictate that it is probably time for me to move upwards and onwards..... Not easy with this dark cloud I recently adopted. So I took myself to Google where I typed ‘How to meet men’ in the search engine and alas! I found the most interesting article on Huffingpost written by a man (Mr. Bill Coles) detailing 10 practical ways to meet men and to me, reading it was like diving into a lake full of manna from heaven.

Apparently, I wasn't looking in the right places.

I have never been big on internet dating, and I am glad Bill agrees with me. Touting your wares and trout-pout selfies on the internet is a definite no-no. In a hit or miss scenario it mostly happens to be a miss because just like most guys in a pub, chances are that you'll just meet some rogue who is out for...... Everything he can damn well get.

So if I want to meet a guy who is single, possibly shares my values and might perhaps be looking for a relationship, here is how to find him.

1.            Rope in my friends.

My friends must have friends who like me, moan about being single. So chances are that they can play cupid and hook me up with someone they know I can gel with and won’t be an utter douche-bag. But nobody will be willing to go through the realms of hell and bring me back that tall, dark and handsome Mandingo man I have been looking for unless they are getting something out of it. The idea here is to offer an incentive (people love incentives). 

“The main thing is: it's going to make your friends sit up and take notice. They're going to pay attention. It's going to get them inviting you over for dinner with two, three, even four single men for company. That's what you want. Your friends are the people who are most likely to know the next man of your dreams. They just need a small kick up the backside so that they can effect the introduction. A handsome finder's fee is the way to do it.” -Bill

In all fairness, a case of Bollinger, a weekend getaway, an expensive spa treatment etc is a small price to pay for them to lasso the ideal stag for me :-)

2.            Marathons and ultra-marathons

Now this is a definite no-no for me. The thought of my future boyfriend watching my badonkadonk literally clapping all over the place as I run is a sight that should forever stay in my mind.

But for the rest of you, Bill says that the women runners are outnumbered by the men by at least ten to one. So theoretically this is the best way to meet single guys (if you don’t mind slender noodly guys who love running) Not my thing.

3.            Long, hard swims.

These are those serious open water channel crossing type of swims.

Of-course there is a risk of drowning here, but anyone who can take that plunge can definitely take a risk or two in their lifetime.

The advantage here is that male swimmers happen to be quite toned and you can actually see the ‘goods’ before you buy them. (chuckle)

Bill says that like the marathons, the women are outnumbered by at-least ten to one.

4.            Football and rugby

I have never been one to pretend to like something because a man I am interested in likes it. I think life is too precious (Probably the reason I am in my current predicament)

But what do I know? Bill says that if you can feign even the tiniest amount of interest in these sports, and stomach going along to a few matches, then you are completely set.

“It's going to help if you're not totally bluffing it. I mean of course you can blag it - we're all blaggers these days - but if you have some knowledge of the rules and the characters and the current crop of stories that are swirling around the back-pages, then it will.... make you stand out.” -Bill.

Again, the ratio if guys to girls are ten to one; even more so in the pub afterwards.

5.            Cricket

Now I personally don’t have a clue about cricket apart from the fact that it is loved by old men donning fedoras and starched linen trousers (pardon my ignorance.)

“Unlike rugby and football, it attracts a different kind of guy. Not necessarily classier, but a guy who appreciates nuance. Who's in it for the long-haul.

Just try sitting down for one day of a test-match. You're sat there from 11am till 6pm, and pretty much nothing happens - except when you've gone off to the toilets, and then there will be a hat-trick.

Thing is though, cricket is usually a lot warmer than rugby or football. Sometimes you can even get a tan. And because it goes on so much longer, then there's much more time for just..... chatting. And you'll be chatting not just with the guys next to you, but the guys in front and the guys behind..... and the guys at the bar. As sporting events go, I've never seen quite so much booze consumed as I have at a Test match. Most people start drinking at 11am and continue right on through till dusk. Helps lubricate the social wheels. I understand.” -Bill

Surprisingly, women are outnumbered by about 50 to one.

6.            Car-fest

In this credit card era, I am not turned on by the kind of car a man drives and wouldn't find a man who spends a whole day of his life looking at cars attractive; so I can’t really understand why many women who would be turned on by the va va voom-ness of it.

Bill says that the recent Car-fest he heard of was wall-to-wall men.

Women outnumbered by the usual ten to one.

The consolation according to him is that at least these guys are going to be picking you up in something nice when they turn up for the first date.

7.            University degrees.

I am currently laughing, because this recently crossed my mind as I have been thinking of going back to school to do my masters (possibly in HR) but my singleness is swaying me on a whole different direction.

“You have to target the courses that are top-heavy with guys. Engineering. That's one of them. Maths. That's another.

I thought that medicine would be thick with men, but I am reliably informed that - rather counter-intuitively - many more women are training to be medics these days.

Computer sciences: bound to be many more guys. Loads of 'em. I mean most of them will be a bit geeky, if not nerdy, but maybe that's just what you're after.”- Bill

8.            Sailing and skiing and beer-fests

“Having had some personal experience of all these activities, I can vouch that if you try any of these things, you're going to meet MEN.

They are all thick with men.

But the guys they attract are all very, very different.

So to very roughly generalise.

Sailors: hardy and weather-beaten and rather precise. They just love being the boss - "Aye-aye, Cap'n!". It can all kick off when things go wrong (as they invariably will.) It's as good a way as any to find out if your relationship has legs.

Skiing. If a guy is skiing and he's in his forties, then he's probably going to be keen, and he's probably going to be quite good.

On the ski-slopes you will find a few good eggs who enjoy their morning coffees and their long lunches, and their après ski. And then there will also be the total head-cases, who want to hit the slopes straight after breakfast and who want to keep going all the way until they've been carted off to the local hospital.

And then there are the beer-fests.

I've been to quite a number of these. Over in Munich, where they do things in more style, they've got Champagne tents, like the Käfir tent. Problem with the Champagne tents is that this is where all the women tend to congregate.

If you want the men to yourself, head for a traditional British beer fest, where the beers can be blonde or treacly, and where the pendulous bellies roll over the men's belts like ice over-hangs. Not many women tend to go to beer-fests. I think there may be a reason for this.” -Bill

9.            Career change

I have personally thought of joining the army. It was during a rough patch in my life but my excuse was that I would stay fit, have free accommodation and hang out with hot men.

“Why not dive into a career where women are outnumbered by men? As good a reason as any for changing your vocation.

Take the Forces. Loads of hunky guys in the navy and the army. Very few women. And as for submarines......very few women, at all.

Politics: Stuffed with men! I worked in Westminster for a year. I know this one. Not only are the Houses of Parliament packed with men but, for some extraordinary reason, they all seem to have rather high sex drives. Just thought I'd mention that.

The City - think of all those self-styled Masters of the Universe striding so manfully down the street. Jolly rich too. (Some of them.)

Law and accountancy. An unending stream of man-candy. Only problem is..... and the very thought of this just brings me out in a cold sweat..... for two pins you'll end up dating a lawyer or an accountant.” -Bill

10.          China.

LMFAO! When all else fails, go to China.

“China has, thanks to its policy of one-child-per-family, a huge imbalance in its population.

For decades now, many Chinese parents have been wanting their one child to be a boy.

Women are outnumbered here on a truly epic scale.

China does also just happen to have the tiger economy. It's the one country that is absolutely booming while everyone else goes to the wall.

Go get yourself some Chinese lessons.” -Bill

Reading through and analysing Bill's article brought a few home truths to me; it is quite gruelling and dismal to think that I have to literally dive into blazing hoops to find my prince charming but thanks to Bill, I now have a few ideas of what I can do to help my lazy cupid out.

 The interesting news for me is that I recently decided to take a celibacy break (of which I will hopefully write about soon); and that coupled with my recent chickenpox spell should keep me away for a while and give me more time to think about myself and what I really want in my man before signing up to swim the Hellspoint, joining the army or jumping on that flight to China.