“The problem is, we don’t want to comprehend another’s
capacity for evil. Our mind naturally twists away from the unpalatable truth.
This is possibly why many early warning signs of abuse are interpreted in a
romantic, rosy way by society: the adorable idea of the man who loves “his
woman” so much he can’t bear to be without her for a second. He’s jealous,
possessive, passionate(euphemism of the day) only because he cares.”
Nigella.....Just like a Swan on water, calm and serene on the surface, but paddling like crazy underneath.
Looking at her from the comforts of my couch, I would have
sworn that the very flirtatious “Domestic Goddess” a.k.a Nigella Lawson had a
picture-perfect life.
She maintained that her lifestyle was "normal" and
although the droolable kitchen on her TV show is not her own, the children
running in and out of the room to scoff down her freshly made Christmas bonbons
and mini pavlovas baked by their picture-perfect mother were definitely hers.
I enviously pictured her getting a foot rub from her husband
every night, as a token of appreciation for bringing such wonderfulness into
his life.
Until I saw a photo of him clenching his hands around her
neck and her eyes full of tears and fear..... and just like that, she has gone
from domestic goddess to the face of domestic violence.
He later claimed that the photos of him with his hands
around his wife's throat merely caught them in the middle of a “playful tiff”.
Of course, we are all stunned that this can happen to our
domestic goddess. But what makes us assume that successful and confident women
don’t go through domestic abuse?
According to some recent articles, many people think that
domestic violence is "the grubby problem of the inarticulate and poorly
educated, who can't eloquently express their frustration, who are not
self-aware or emotionally intelligent enough to thrash out their differences
via a civilized heart-to-heart, rather than simply with a thrashing". And
as ignorant as that statement seems, it isn’t as farfetched as I’d expect it to
be.
There are people who think that domestic violence is
confined in high-rise council buildings or third world countries. Wrong.
So what would our reaction be if one day Nigella’s husband
walked into Nigella’s knife several times? Would we believe it if she said that
it was in ‘self-defense’ and revealed that her husband was a violent person?
I know a few people who are or have been victims of domestic
violence; in-fact, a few days ago someone close to me revealed that she
attempted stabbing her ex-husband because he was violent towards her; it broke
my heart and I was very disappointed to know that his behavior almost drove her
to do the unthinkable. She is one of the lucky few who have been able to walk
away from a relationship that could have ended on a very bad or bloody note,
but there are many men and women who unfortunately decide to stay on and suffer
the consequences in the name of "Love".
To sum it up, I will use a paragraph from the Telegraph.
----So class or status is irrelevant, but we persist in our
naivety. It’s a defence mechanism, of course; we’re desperate to find a
cast-iron reason that will distance us from the miserable fate suffered by
someone unnervingly similar to our comfortable little selves; because we don’t
want to believe that it could happen to us.
We cannot tolerate the thought that we are not safe. And
from this weaselly position of “I’d never get myself into that situation”, it’s
a short, shameful step to blaming the victim: why does she stay with him? Why
does she put up with it?----
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