“We were immortal, did you know that? Did you feel it like
me? We had the world at our feet and we were going to live forever. Then came
life – growing inside you – and I became mortal.”
― Dianna Hardy, Summer's End
When I was younger, just like most little girls, I used to draw a house with smoke that whirled out the chimney like telephone cord and a triangular-skirted mummy with daddy and their two kids….. A boy and a girl. I saw her as the 'me' of the future. A blueprint of life. And I didn't change that interpretation until a few months ago, when I realized that everything doesn’t just out like wax-crayon dreams.
A week ago, I got married…..
Nothing feels as good as sharing your life with someone
else. The gratification and peace it brings is astounding. In other words; I AM
CONTENT.
The only problem has been with people asking me “So when are
you getting babies?” That simple question makes me think about how much our
society has been brain washed into thinking that there is a certain cycle of
life we should all follow. No wonder when it’s all said and done, some of us
end up so miserable and lonely.
Does it always mean that once you get married the only thing
you can do is procreate? Does anyone grasp what bringing someone into this
world entails?
I had an altercation with my sister about why I don’t think
I am ready to have kids (yet) and she said “Are you serious? I thought you love
kids. If mum hears that she will be so upset!”. (Did I mention that my sister
does not have kids?)
Answer is, yes I love kids, but loving children does not
necessarily mean that I have to jump on the first official opportunity I have
of getting one. Having been in a relationship for many years, there are so many
times when I would have chosen to get pregnant but I am grateful I never had an
'accident'. For me, that would have been an utterly joyless option.
People don’t seem to understand that you can always love and
admire something from a distance; It does not mean you have to have it.
I have two beautiful nieces who I love to bits. I used to
borrow them for my weekends and hand them back once the fatigue got to me. The
only problem with having your own children is the fact that you can never give
them back. THEY ARE YOURS and you will have to tug along with them for the rest
of your life; making sure they go through the best schools and land the best
jobs.
Call me sluggish, but I don’t think at my age (I am really young,
so please don’t conclude that I have dodgy ovaries) I would have the patience
to spoon-feed success into someone’s mouth from the instance I push them into
this world till death do we part.
Apart from that, everything is becoming bloody expensive and
people spend so much money on tuition fee, basic living expenses and end up
denying themselves so much. Most parents would say It was all worth it but I am
not yet ready to sacrifice so much on someone else. I only have one chance to
life and want to enjoy it on myself and get the best I can out of it.
So as much as I would love baby-cradling, kissing that
vellum-soft head, singing along to nursery rhymes, going through the escapade
of teaching endless things to someone else and discovering a whole different
world altogether; I will not be defined by the number of human beings I bring
into this world, and I won’t have children so as to feel immortal.
And while many people think of the 'Baby on Board' sticker
slapped in your rear window as a badge of honor, I don’t.
So let me stretch my freedom until it screams for mercy..…
Once I have done everything I want to do and still have room in my life for a
child; I’ll have one. Till then and if not, just let me be.
